This is not a golf club

Conversation overheard between John and David:

"David, I think I have worked out why you are not striking the ball cleanly"

"If you have some insight into that I would be very appreciative of your help, John, you being such a beautiful ball striker. In fact the way you were caressing the ball down the fairway today, got me all tingly. It reminded me of the first time I had sex. I felt all insecure, and unsure of myself, but damn excited about giving it another try."

"Well, David, golf clubs are usually long and thin with a rubber grip, a metal head, and a fibre glass or metal pole connecting the two. This on the other hand as you can clearly see is not a golf club. It is used in the game of baseball to hit a baseball, or during a robbery when you want to intimidate someone or beat the shit out of them. To hit a golf ball the way I do, you have to grip the rubber thing lightly like you are holding a live bird in your hand, swing the club like you would a baseball bat, with a nice rhythm, and then hope to connect the metal end of the golf club with the ball. The result should be a crisp thwack, with the ball launching itself into the air, landing many meters away from you, and in the direction you have aimed. I find over 300 meters isn't unusual when I am in the groove but don't expect to get those results straight away."

"Interesting, John, but what's a baseball bat?"